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zenderael_mmo2012-12-11 09:26 am
vast_oceans) wrote in zenderael_mmo2012-12-11 09:26 am
Entry tags:
Rayu + Ashtaroth // What Does It Even Mean??
Who: Rayu and Ashtaroth
When: Wednesday, 01/06
Where: Bydell, a village on the outskirts of Bastan
Before/After: After Ash contacts Rayu about becoming real.
Warnings: n/a
If any of Rayu's history had been real, then Bydell might have been around where he grew up. He still had faint memories of it: hilly fields of wheat that moved like golden waves in the wind, the small windmill peaking on the eastern edge, and fluffy, white puffs that were sheep grazing along the edges. But he knew that his house and his parents had never existed. No one else would remember the attack or the fire. No one would recognize him, but then he was Rayu right now. They shouldn't have. There was a small, foolish comfort in getting to pretend that was the only reason.
It was a quiet town, especially when it wasn't during the market hours. When was that? Maybe it would be worth returning for the fresh produce. Even the inn saw little business, few needing to stay long. The old building was attached to the stables for any paladins and clerics to keep their mounts for the night, made of the same, rugged wood with faded paint. A horse poked its head over over its gate, catching Rayu's attention. He made a quick glance to see if anyone was watching him before resting his hand over the animal's snout with a faint smile.
An apple wouldn't hurt anything, especially if whoever owned it never found out. Rayu pulled it from his bag, unable to keep from grinning at the horse's eager reaction and the subsequent chomp that took out half the apple.
"Ah, there you are."
She'd arrived earlier that morning- not because she hadn't been able to sleep at all, of course, or because she'd been too anxious to settle down and do anything productive back at the Temple, or anything- to make good on her desire to see this thing through as soon as possible. She looked out of place in her black ensemble in such a peaceful, almost cheerful looking little town. The reaction the innkeeper woman had given her said as much that the Order was not often seen, and when they were- well, she'd been put to rest when Ashtaroth had assured her there was nothing more than personal business that had brought her to Bydell.
She had her arms crossed and settled over her chest, a familiar pose but somehow more fluid, more believable, and her expression darted about in a way it hadn't before, her nervousness betraying her in how she couldn't keep her eyes in a single place for long, and most certainly not on him. Standing at the entrance of the stable, she waited a moment, then reached up to push her heavy hair over her shoulder.
"I already got the room. I was the one to ask this of you, so don't worry about paying for anything. I... I seem to have a lot of gold," she murmured, looking aside. Everything she'd been doing the past month or two had certainly seen to it she would be comfortable, financially speaking.
Her voice made him jump, and when he looked to her, his expression was one of a guilty child before he cleared his throat to address her. She was so quiet! And in black. Though, the black was not so neutral against the vivid background of Bydell. ... Ah. S-still. He would have been more grateful that the horse disposed of the rest of the evidence if Rayu hadn't caught that subtle difference in Ashtaroth's behavior now.
It was lucky for him she often looked away, because he caught himself staring. What the differences were, he couldn't quite piece together. More... alive? But she had been Ashtaroth, always alive. He was sure of that much, Theresa's presence or not.
Rayu managed to compose himself, adjusting his hat in a familiar, comforting gesture. "'S not like I wasn't the one to drag you here," he said. Hey hadn't been left with much himself. (The house... that must have been where Rhys had put the gold last minute.) This was, however, Bydell. It wasn't much expense, and perhaps not worth the time it would take to argue about it. "Are you ready? With a breeze like this, 's not a bad place to clear your head."
She shook her head. "I asked you to choose, so it was kind of my choice anyway. It doesn't matter," she said dismissively, almost interrupting herself to hurry on the conversation. She did glance at him then, looking almost guilty, though what for wasn't quite so obvious, not even to her. She managed a weak smile, never having been much for smiling in the first place, but there it was. "...thanks. We'll call it even after this. Are you done?" she asked, eyes flickering over to the horse.
Even for the wolf, presumably. She remembered that clear as day. Why hadn't she been afraid? Even looking back on it she didn't feel any fear. Just that residual annoyance that she had not been able to take it down, and the memory of how tightly he'd held on to her hand and pulled her behind him from the cave.
Ashtaroth tapped her fingers on the inside of her arm, restless, before she nodded and turned in wordlessly, heading into the inn again and down the hallway. She'd gotten a ride in from one of the paladins she knew that guarded the Temple who had been passing through on his way to his hometown, another hour out of Bydell. It had been cold in the morning, and her equally black cloak lay folded over a chair, along with a satchel, already emptied, of parchment and pen, and a half-eaten apple beside them.
"...do you think she'll answer right away?" she asked, standing by but not sitting in the chair. "I don't want to waste your time just waiting."
Realizing he had been officially caught, he cleared his throat again and nodded, cheeks a little red for it.
Even? Hardly. But Rayu was not thinking of the wolf. He was thinking about how she knew this, and how, perhaps, Theresa had been part to Ashtaroth's acceptance. He remembered behaviors he couldn't quite explain that were easier to pin on Rhys. Not things he wouldn't do, if the circumstances were right, but that hadn't quite been. Would she reflect on it later? Theresa had said it hadn't been disingenuous. All he could do was choose to believe it.
But he did not voice it, only nodding and following her through the inn. Once they entered the room, he set his lute and his pack aside to free him of the weight, and, as an afterthought, hung his hat at the end of his lute. It felt more honest. There was no reason to play mind games or do his own 'roleplay'. That may have been the worst he could do.
"If she isn't busy," he said, and he dropped whatever rough edge he had. If Theresa felt as highly of Ashtaroth as she claimed, he couldn't imagine her leaving them hanging. "But it's not a waste. Waiting may be the hardest part."
She looked at him, frowning briefly, but more as a reaction of surprise upon hearing his voice change. It was almost like hearing another person talk.
...which, in a sense, he was. They'd decided he was Rayu between them, for safety's sake, but how hard that must be, she wondered, because she saw in him someone who still wanted to be that person.
But how could he ever get back to that? And should she even feel that way? It sent a pang of traitorous shame through her to have even thought it, but it was hard to hold on to it with Rayu- Victor- standing across from her.
There were other things to think on, but she pushed them aside brashly, sitting down, her posture almost straight, except for a slight slump to her shoulders. "So, I... I don't know how to start this." She pressed her lips together, reaching up to push her hair back again. "How... how did you... what did you ask first?"
He mistook her frown and her surprise. It was easy to assume that Ashtaroth was dealing with her feelings for Theresa, about players, and about everything that was that strange mess. It was easier to think as Victor, he realized. There shouldn't have been a difference, but Victor had permission to be soft. It gave him a brief wonder of how he'd have reacted to Rhys if he had always been able to be Victor. But there was nothing to do about that now.
Truthfully, Rhys had contacted Rayu first, but he didn't need to get into the life story of it. The more time went on, the more this situation came to light and the rules changed. He stuck to the spirit of the question. "I was afraid," he admitted. "I asked him about the world and its changes. I refused to let him answer anything about me." He frowned. They had made a weak alliance then. The fear of danger had meant everything, but so was the fear of seeing Rhys as human.
"... I think I regret it. However you feel... Trying to bury that hurts us more than them." Because they already knew. "Anything you might be thinking... It's free game."
She watched him settle in, the slight change in his demeanor, and with her hands in her lap hesitated a long moment, unsure if she wished to do this. She ... didn't know what she thought. Or what she wanted to know. She couldn't even really get a handle on a good burst of anger. Why had her mother died? Why had she become such an angry person? Why was there a strange red-haired alchemist following her around all the time??
Okay, not all the time, but she was still pretty freaked out about that.
She nodded at his words slightly, staring at the paper in front of her. She wasn't even sure if she was afraid, just- well, maybe that was the problem. She wanted a reason to care about this person who had made her, because for all intents and purposes, she found she didn't.
Did that mean Theresa knew that?
Well, hey, no pressure.
"I. I guess I should write something then," she said, still staring at the blank parchment in front of her. What should she start with? And what did she want to ask about? She'd been putting it off, but thinking about Nova made her think about Artemis. Should she have spoken with him first? But... what if he wasn't awake? She pressed her lips together and picked up the pen.
"...how should I address it?..."
"Theresa, player of Ashtaroth," he said, and he was willing to spell it if she asked for the clarification. Rayu kept himself a few steps back, where it would have been impossible to see what she was writing. He was willing to help, but he wasn't about to read anything word for word unless she asked him to directly. It was a private matter. Or he considered it one. Maybe there were others who hadn't, and Ash hadn't yet taken the time to figure out where she stood.
He had promised Theresa he would be there to help Ash with it, but began to wonder if his sympathies went too much to Theresa herself. Was his approach not allowing Ashtaroth the anger she needed? The rest of them had it and sorted through it. Ashtaroth was prone to bouts of it, but... seemed so calm now.
His mouth opened to speak, but he stopped himself. Best not to over think it and interrupt her train of thought by trying to fill every silence. Rayu fell quiet and settled against the wall, folding his arms.
She nodded and, after asking the spelling, wrote it down, then paused again. How to start...
You know who I am, and I suspect you've been waiting for this moment to come. I don't know what you were talking to that red-headed alchemist about but I don't appreciate being yelled at for something I didn't do.
There. That... sounded appropriate. Sort of. But it didn't give much to answer to. She reached up with her free hand to pull her hair back, letting it go as she went back to thinking and looking every inch a student during a test trying to answer a question they never studied for. Her hair fell back into place without her noticing.
I know about as much of players and Earth and all that as I care to, so I suppose I'll move on to the more important questions. Who are you? And why did you create me?
That was better. Really give her something to think about!
She rolled up the parchment and tied it off before putting the stamp on it. The little dragon still managed to startle her, giving away her nervousness. She let the dragon have it and watched it disappear again. She sighed.
"...did you want something to eat or anything?..."
He looked up at her once the dragon was gone, noting her start. Waiting would be the hardest part. Ashtaroth had no concept of Theresa, but Rayu did. And he... trusted her, he admitted to himself. That may have been the wrong path to take himself down, but he was already on it. Theresa had claimed to need Ashtaroth. It was no use worrying himself, or filling the room with that added tension. Whatever Ashtaroth decided was important, real, and necessary.
"I'm fine," he said. "Do you need something?" Rayu offered a small smile. "I'm here for you, not the other way around."
"Do I- no, no," she said, clearly embarrassed. "I don't think so, anyway. I just feel silly, is all." She looks back to the empty table. "Talking to someone that I'm not even sure exists. Just because other people say she does."
She looks over at him, taking a minute to study him without his hat on, even going so far as to push back on the chair a little so the front two legs come up off the floor. "I just don't know what to think about it. I almost feel like I have better things to do than... than this. And I don't know if I feel bad for that or not. Did you ever think you were just talking to an invisible perso-erk!"
The dragon reappeared, chirping as the chair slammed back down on all fours, her surprise at its reappearance startling her again. Blushing darkly, she reached up for the message and opened it up.
My name is Theresa, as you know. Nova, as you may recall, is an acquaintance of Artemis. He became self-aware early on, and distrustful of players. He knows the other I used to play, a mage called Reilanin. For his own reasons he saw fit to engage me often in conversation, through dragonmail and through you. I apologize for his behaviour. He is unpredictable and an annoyance at best.
As a person, I live in Fall City. I used to work in the library at the university here, but circumstances saw me removed from my position and free to expand on you by playing Zenderael. I am guardian to a young man that switched over here from there.
Your creation was in response to the first of mine, Reilanin, becoming self-aware. I was at a point where I found her presence necessary to me, but I could not bring myself to control her any longer, and so I let her go. I made you shortly after, I think to compensate for what, at the time, was a great loss for me.
The personal need has lessened, but unfortunately the needs of others had not, particularly in Bastan, and so I found use for you there.
Ashtaroth read through that, amazed that so much had come so quickly. The manner in which she wrote was precise, easy to read, with no embellishments, and printed throughout. "...she... has a lot to say," Ashtaroth muttered, a little dazed.
Rayu felt through his hair, trying to brush back his bangs, but they had been cut in a way that they naturally tended to fall over one eye. It was getting long enough that he could barely tuck it behind his ear, but without his hat, there was nothing to hold it there. And where Rhys had allowed some of Rayu's natural blonde to show, Rayu was more vigilante about staying brunette.
He listened with his full attention, smiling and almost starting to laugh. Better things to do. Well. He couldn't argue that. Maybe they all over thought this. But before she could finish-- before he could formulate any kind of response-- the dragon returned and for a second Rayu was positive Ashtaroth's chair was going to tilt back in the other direction. His body acted without him, grabbing hold of her arm to steady her before he realized it was unnecessary.
Embarrassed, he was quick to release her with an apologetic withdrawal, composing himself as she read over the letter. Though curious, he didn't dare try reading any of it over her shoulder.
It took a few mental attempts to find his next words to say. "Does it help answer your questions?"
She rubbed at her arm where he'd grabbed her, not to say that it'd hurt but- well maybe it had, sort of, though it had been more surprise than pain that made the feeling of pressure linger. "No, not really. I mean, sort of, but it just sort of... brings me to more questions."
Turning back, she wrote, That's all well and good, but why did you create someone like me? Why is my mother dead? Why am I a cleric and not something else? A pause went by and, frowning, she added, Why have I done so many stupid things for Artemis? It's true I feel sympathy for him for his loss, but it hardly seems fitting that I should have been out doing the things I did, particularly without him along. It seems rather cold, doesn't it? It seems wrong to have used Rayu in his stead.
She sent the dragonmail off again, then sat back, almost tilting the chair back, then looked over to him sheepishly, keeping the chair firmly planted. "Nice reflexes," she commented belatedly. Part and parcel of being a hunter, maybe.
"She said it was for personal reasons she made me, because she lost her... her first one. Who became real. Do they all have multiple people? What about you and yours?"
Rayu frowned in sympathy, but as Ashtaroth went back to writing, he fell quiet and looked to the ground, lost in his own thoughts. There should have been more he was doing for her, and he half wondered if standing here was making it worse.
Then she spoke again and he felt at the back of his hair nervously. "Ah-- sorry." It came out as a mumble, and he averted his eyes until she started speaking again.
He shook his head with a shrug of his arms. "I don't know if they all do. Mine did-- does. I've met one of them. The other... he's in the other world, or so I've been told." He folded his arms and tapped his fingers against his arm in a brief pause of thought. "I was his first. But he had some kind of accident, and that's why, well--" He gestured to himself and shrugged again. "There's some missing time right after everything happened." If a year could be described as some.
She didn't think it was bad at all, having him there. He was inobtrusive and quiet, and spoke when spoken to. Selfish to want that, maybe, but if that's what he was going to give, she was fine with that.
The apology garnered an amused, albeit nervous look, and she folded her arms over her middle, looking back to the empty table, like it might answer her somehow.
"More than two? At the same time?" she asked, looking a little surprised. Two seemed tedious enough, but at least Theresa had intimated it had been one at a time... but three at once? How could you even focus on one of them properly with three of them running around?...
The rest of the story kept her quiet and she tilted her head forward while she thought on it. "I guess things in their world would affect us..." Ashtaroth thought on it a long moment, scuffing her heel on the floor. "Was it before or... after...?" She'd started the question out strong before realizing what it was she was asking, and who she was asking to answer it. She side-eyed him before glancing away, jerking her thoughts over to why she didn't have a response yet.
Rayu smiled with her skepticism. "Don't look at me. I have no idea how this works or how he pulled it off. The one I met... she and I aren't even alike." Appearances were one thing, but her shyly energetic, challenge seeking behavior was another. Though Rayu was the first, he did not feel a sense of being special for it. Virelai shared much more with Rhys than he did. But that was supposed to be a good thing, wasn't it? More autonomy...
His smile fell, but didn't vanish. It was something weak, halfway between reassurance-- that she could ask-- and resigned to the memories. "After," he said. "By days. I had always regret running away. As it turns out, I didn't. I didn't exist." He ran his fingers through his hair, glancing to the window. "It would be easy to blame him, or even the girl who controlled the assassins, but--"
With a blink, he realized he was rambling, jerking his gaze back to Ashtaroth with a fluster. "Er-- that is. Sorry."
She listened, enraptured. It was all just... so bizarre to her. One person, controlling multiple people, and setting them loose on the environment, having them interact with other people doing the same thing. And yet it seemed strangely well thought-out, too, and flexible. Though, she noted in Rayu's case, not always for the best.
He hadn't existed. Hadn't existed! She considered that as best she could but she couldn't. Taken a complete hiatus from existence because of something happening in another world! "Why do you keep apologizing?" she asked finally, finding that to be of greater importance to her. "As far as I'm concerned, you don't have anything to apologize for. I'm the one asking the questions, after all..." She trailed a little, looking away, still wrapping her head around the concepts they were trying to talk about. "...well, I'll let you know when I want an apology for something, so... don't worry about it, okay?"
She picked up her apple again and took a moment, not jumping so badly as the dragon popped back into existence with the letter in claw. She took the response and offered some of the apple to the dragon, which sniffed it gingerly and took the chunk in one claw, chattering to itself musingly.
Your mother is dead because mine is as well. We were about the same age when our parents died. Using you, and using Reilanin- because that is, in truth, what I did- was an effort to help myself understand. I became closed off at a young age. It was a kind of roleplaying for me. A re-acquaintance with the world.
Your attachment to Artemis wasn't meant to be ... what it turned out to be. When another character discovered you and he were still being controlled by the likes of us, he was quite upset, particularly on the part of Artemis. It was decided we would try and work towards resurrecting Artemis' wife. Something I was almost able to accomplish through you, but I ran out of time. Regardless of what your actual knowledge and experience may be, skills may be learned based off of certain factors. However, I was not able to meet those requirements.
Why you are a cleric in the first place was an arbitrary matter. It seemed of interest to me, and the Order allowed me to flesh out who you were, though my own curiousity of it remains in you. Many things are happening in the world. It may be a good idea to keep with it.
Ash stared at the letter, eyebrows drawn in, frowning and saying nothing while she reread it.
How in the world could I have learned to resurrect the dead? The pen bit deeper into the paper than she meant for it to, writing out the phrase in a burst of incredulity. She huffed when the maildragon left with her response. The rest she still had to think on, but that seemed easiest to nitpick first.
That question hadn't been what he expected. Rayu blinked, dumb struck. It seemed obvious he was saying too much, getting too personal, not taking enough responsibility, or focusing too much on himself-- but Ashtaroth was unfazed. He broke into a smile. "Okay," he agreed, still struggling for something of more substance to add. "And... anything you want to ask is fine."
She was still trying to figure things out herself, but he hadn't take the time to discuss it without feeling the need to dismiss or hide his feelings. Those who had known about the situation looked at players unfavorably. It was impossible to be fully objective, but...
Well. It was complicated. And maybe acknowledging that was fine, too.
He fell again to silence as she read and wrote her letter. Though he could not read-- and wouldn't try to sneak a glance-- he could tell each letter from Theresa was long, and each message from Astaroth well thought out. There was a tug of... was that envy? Rhys' responses were shorter, and rarely expanded on if Rayu didn't ask. The more he thought about it, the less Rayu knew about Rhys. And perhaps all he had to do was ask. Genuinely.
But he had resisted the idea, and already admitted his fear. Ashtaroth immediately fell into it with little more than a thoughtful furrowing of her brow.
She waved her hand a little as though to dismiss the offer, before she thought it over again. "...well, I might ask a few more... I guess this is the best time to ask questions... being... new and all. But I don't feel new... did you notice anything different when it happened to you?" Words, too many words. Had she always been chatty like this? She hoped it settled down, that it was just a phase. He was ridiculously easy to talk to, though, and she couldn't imagine why. And he'd just listen? Poor guy, she thought. She had a million things bubbling through her brain. She covered her mouth as though it might help keep it all back.
Rayu was a mystery, too. Should she ask about him? Maybe... maybe later. Theresa seemed... willing to answer questions. Accessible. It didn't seem right to ask with him right there. Later then. After all, why wasn't she more afraid of him? Or why hadn't she been to begin with? After what he'd done... or supposedly done... well, however that worked.
The dragon popped back in. To us, your worldis was a game. There was a progression to it. The more quests you completed, the more monsters you killed, the more experience you would gain ("experience" is a word used indiscriminately with games such as these, highly generalized). The more experience, the higher your level. Alts, or characters, go from levels 1-100. You were at level 99. At intervals, you would have been able to learn more skills, as thus, if you really think about it, you have access to some very strong magic that normally you would not, although you do have the theory to back most of it up. Artemis' player supplemented my knowledge with that of a professor's from Bastan's university. There should be very little amiss.
As it stands, level 100 affords you the ability to resurrect a fallen player. Not necessarily dead, but for you, in the real Zenderael, this is how it would translate. But consider this a blessing in disguise, perhaps. The burden of such power does not lie with you.
Is there anything else?
Ashtaroth hesitated. There were more things, but that was a lot for all at once. I have to think about this. I'll write you back when I've thought of something else.
She sighed again as the dragon disappeared. "What a weird world they must have..."
Rayu shook his head. "That was the maddening part. Everything felt the same. Everything looked the same. So if this was true, how could it be identified? How could be confident we still weren't controlled?" He let out a sigh and rubbed his hand over his neck. "...But realizing this is more... universal than I thought has made it easier. If it's always been this way, if it's so common, then... maybe it isn't as much of a danger." But there were other dangers, and ones he could do nothing about. He found himself trying to forget about them, but Amber was a reminder. People just appeared and disappeared where they didn't belong. It was a bridge to cross when he got to it.
He looked politely away as she wrote, glancing back with the familiar poof of the dragon as it continued its errand. "No kidding. I'm hoping most of us don't end up having to learn about it in detail." It was probably too idealistic to continue hoping that.
She waited a little, but no dragon returned. Had she successfully told the other woman (?) off? Somewhere between smugness and frustration, she looked back to Rayu, not realizing her arms were crossed in front of her again, making her look more than a little standoffish.
But there was no sign of it as she shook her head and responded, "well, they're learning plenty about us from all of Bastan that's been taken over. And I hear there are things from there in Zenderael..." She looked back to the table, kicking off the floor a little again so the chair tilted backwards, earlier's near-spill already forgotten. "There's already so much to worry about here, though, I'd rather not think about it."
And now this... a danger, he'd called it. She didn't know how, but she wasn't sure she wanted to think on that, either. She reached up to pull her hair back again. "I told her I'd contact her again later once I thought about all of it..." A sigh escaped her. "She made it sound like this was all right now, or something. She needed me but doesn't now. What kind of harebrained creator...?"
Really, though, it just left her with the question of 'what now'? Going back to every day living seemed a strange idea to her after that.
He watched the space the dragon should have returned to with his own kind of anticipation and Ashtartorth's look told him it wasn't coming. When she spoke again, he had a blink of surprise that it wasn't about that matter. It left him unable to respond long enough for her to continue, and he stepped over to the desk now that it didn't feel like he was an invader in that space.
"She knew she would lose you," he said, remembering what little Theresa had told him about her feelings. "Maybe she found a way to come to terms with it." It would be foolish to speak much more on the subject. It looked like Ashtaroth had more discourse with Theresa today than Rayu had over their time together. He also still could not wrap his mind around what it meant to lose them. When Victor had lost Rhys, he didn't exist until he returned as Rayu. Without Rayu, Rhys didn't have the same problem. The reverse connection... It seemed trivial, and only made serious by their new reality.
"But maybe these things... Players and earth..." He shrugged his arms. "It is a lot to think about. And I'm not sure how much it does change." It depended on who you asked. "Maybe the most important thing is to remember to focus on ourselves and where we want our stories to go."
Ashtaroth looked up to him as he walked back over, arms folding loosely over her stomach, rocking a little in the chair. She knew?... "She did mention something like that," she said uneasily, looking away. Resurrection! Really! She'd been told to think about it, and she was surprised to realize that she did know a lot- well, she amended, of course she did. That was part of why she'd joined the Order, to learn, and to learn as much as she could. It just seemed... so little referenced, so little applied. And the idea that just going out and striking down a couple of hellhounds would provide the necessary experience...?
"What a weird world," she muttered again down to the table. She dug a finger into the crook of her elbow, rubbing at a spot there. "Well, I hope she did," she said after a moment, truthfully. "To live through someone else... that sounds kind of sad, doesn't it? So if she has something else, that's all right with me." She looked confused, but that was true enough. She didn't know what she could have possibly provided, but it wasn't her concern anymore, sounded like.
"Well," she said, a bit more loudly than she'd meant to, and she flushed a little even as she continued on, "I'll go back to what I was doing. It isn't like I learned anything so new I'd change course." Of course, part of that meant talking to Artemis... and that was a can of works all its own. Someone had wanted her to learn resurrection to bring his wife back?...
Nova.
She glared at the table briefly once she realized that. Maybe she'd just... leave both those things alone for a little bit.
Living through someone... It was a little sad. Gone for a year... Rhys without a voice. Rayu a bard. He shook his head at his own thoughts.
Her glare had him frowning. Rayu glanced to the window before he worked up the nerve to look back at her. "I'm sorry about how this went down... With knowing. And helping her." It was an unfortunate truth that he may not have been able to without Theresa's input. Ashtaroth was someone Rayu probably shouldn't keep to close to, but the circumstances now stretched beyond their world and into another. He wondered if anyone else in her Order shared her origins.
Thoughts getting too grim, he broke into a wry smile. "But my offer to lend you my help as you need it still stands, even if that means something different from undead caves now."
Her silence lasted until he spoke, and she looked up, startled, about to comment on his newest apology before she stopped herself and considered it. The frown softened but didn't disappear entirely.
"It's- well. It's not like I could do anything about it. And if she needed me to do some weird things- I mean, it didn't get me killed, so that's okay..."
...was it? She reflected on that. Well, it'd have to be all right. It was over now and she could carry on doing as she pleased.
....ah, then, did that mean Rayu had only been helping her at Theresa's request? And now that she was no longer Theresa and no longer had to do those stupid quests for Artemis- or had they really been for herself under the guise of being for Artemis?- was there even any reason for him to continue associating with her?
And shouldn't she be more concerned with her associating with him anyway?
"Ah- ah, well," she said, clearly startled by the realization. "That... that sounds good. I don't think I'll be going into any undead caves anytime soon on my own. I mean, now that... I'm on my own. Not that... I wouldn't take you... with me..." She cleared her throat, glancing aside. "...well, same goes for me, I guess. One Cleric of the Order, at your service, hahaha..."
Rayu coughed with his own throat clearing with an equally nervous smile to match the gesture. "R-right. I know I'm--" He sighed, but his expression didn't fall. "Ah--"
He shook his head. "Thank you. For letting me come with you today, that is." He glanced to the side. "It... gave me a lot to think about to. And time to think about it." His smile lost its uneasy easy, but became softer for it. "I feel like I ought to be ashamed how I handled everything. You took it so well."
"I haven't had time to really think about it... it's a lot, you know?" she asked, though she did so softly, eyes downcast. It didn't feel real. Would it ever? Should she be angry? Or upset? Was something wrong with her if she wasn't? Rayu seemed to praise it, but she shook her head thinking on it. "But you had a lot more to be upset about. I mean, think about it. Or don't, but I can't imagine anyone coming out of what you did without being more than a little angry." And that didn't even include any of the assassin stuff that happened afterwards.
She rubbed the back of her neck before pulling her hair in front of her, toying with the strands. "It's just... kind of weird is all. I went from chatting with a local seamstress to being yelled at by an alchemist who knows who she is... but that's about it? And a couple of letters, some explanations that... that don't really change much... maybe...?" She looked back over to him, still plucking at her hair nervously. "You don't mind helping me, even if it's just me? Not her?"
"It's handling having this much to think about that's impressive," he said. Whatever conclusion she came to would come in time, but... hit with all this, and still steady. That was something he admired. Again, he found it odd to look at her and see her so young, and though she had flashes that showed her age, there was a strange maturity that went with it-- strange mainly because it felt more mature than he was. Maybe it was an unintended influence of their creators. Or maybe it was completely intended: Rayu had done a lot he wasn't proud of.
He blinked with her question, caught unguarded and feeling at the back of his neck. "Part of why I helped her at all was because I thought it might help you. With... this inevitability, or... anything else, I suppose."
If she were to get to know Theresa or even Reilanin, she'd know that they all shared a certain kind of unflappability, the ability to be floored by normal situations but remain oddly composed in the midst of an odd one. She didn't feel she would react any more strongly to this later today, tomorrow morning, or even a week later. This was it. A sort of anti-climactic "huh". "It is a lot," she said, looking a little confused, "but there's really just not a lot I can do about it. You know? And the stuff I can..."
She shrugged uneasily. Maybe she'd just... wait and see if Artemis contacted her first...
His confession saw her staring at him, stunned by it. "Oh... oh," she said, softly, looking away, at first something that might be taken for disappointment, but the blush was a little too easy to see on her face. The idea of having someone do something for her and not the other way around... "Th-thanks," she said. "Thanks. I appreciate it."
"It's not much," he admitted, still only looking at Ashtaroth through side glances. Theresa had mentioned something about Ash being a possible target of some of the others like them. "But if anyone gives you trouble, I'm on your side. So... contact me, and I'll do what I can."
"Yeah," she said, looking a little startled. If anyone gave her trouble...? She considered questioning it, but with everything that had been going on, she wasn't entirely surprised to hear it.
Hadn't Theresa said something...?
She looked ahead a moment, then nodding to herself, put the chair down on all fours again and stood up once she'd scraped it along the floor to push it out.
"This room's stuffy," she said. She'd been there all morning, even before he'd gotten there. She wasn't used to sitting around, either. "Come on. Let's go take a walk or something. Can you even play that thing?" She asked, referring to his instrument.
The hair on Rayu's neck bristled as his tone took a turn for the mildly offended, but mostly flustered. "Of course I can play that thing." He looked back to his lute with an askew frown and stepped over to it, picking up to look it over and play with its tuning briefly. "Although, it's been a while."
He looked over his shoulder at Ashtaroth and gestured to the door. "We'll get some fresh air and I'll play you something."
Looking back at her, he would catch the impertinent grin on her face, as though she'd won some small victory. "Sorry," she said, not sounding sorry at all. So he could be offended by something! She'd have to keep that in mind.
Still smiling, she stood, taking her things- she'd probably just go back to Bastan after this- and followed him out. "Something good, right?" she asked, shutting the door to the empty inn room.
When: Wednesday, 01/06
Where: Bydell, a village on the outskirts of Bastan
Before/After: After Ash contacts Rayu about becoming real.
Warnings: n/a
If any of Rayu's history had been real, then Bydell might have been around where he grew up. He still had faint memories of it: hilly fields of wheat that moved like golden waves in the wind, the small windmill peaking on the eastern edge, and fluffy, white puffs that were sheep grazing along the edges. But he knew that his house and his parents had never existed. No one else would remember the attack or the fire. No one would recognize him, but then he was Rayu right now. They shouldn't have. There was a small, foolish comfort in getting to pretend that was the only reason.
It was a quiet town, especially when it wasn't during the market hours. When was that? Maybe it would be worth returning for the fresh produce. Even the inn saw little business, few needing to stay long. The old building was attached to the stables for any paladins and clerics to keep their mounts for the night, made of the same, rugged wood with faded paint. A horse poked its head over over its gate, catching Rayu's attention. He made a quick glance to see if anyone was watching him before resting his hand over the animal's snout with a faint smile.
An apple wouldn't hurt anything, especially if whoever owned it never found out. Rayu pulled it from his bag, unable to keep from grinning at the horse's eager reaction and the subsequent chomp that took out half the apple.
"Ah, there you are."
She'd arrived earlier that morning- not because she hadn't been able to sleep at all, of course, or because she'd been too anxious to settle down and do anything productive back at the Temple, or anything- to make good on her desire to see this thing through as soon as possible. She looked out of place in her black ensemble in such a peaceful, almost cheerful looking little town. The reaction the innkeeper woman had given her said as much that the Order was not often seen, and when they were- well, she'd been put to rest when Ashtaroth had assured her there was nothing more than personal business that had brought her to Bydell.
She had her arms crossed and settled over her chest, a familiar pose but somehow more fluid, more believable, and her expression darted about in a way it hadn't before, her nervousness betraying her in how she couldn't keep her eyes in a single place for long, and most certainly not on him. Standing at the entrance of the stable, she waited a moment, then reached up to push her heavy hair over her shoulder.
"I already got the room. I was the one to ask this of you, so don't worry about paying for anything. I... I seem to have a lot of gold," she murmured, looking aside. Everything she'd been doing the past month or two had certainly seen to it she would be comfortable, financially speaking.
Her voice made him jump, and when he looked to her, his expression was one of a guilty child before he cleared his throat to address her. She was so quiet! And in black. Though, the black was not so neutral against the vivid background of Bydell. ... Ah. S-still. He would have been more grateful that the horse disposed of the rest of the evidence if Rayu hadn't caught that subtle difference in Ashtaroth's behavior now.
It was lucky for him she often looked away, because he caught himself staring. What the differences were, he couldn't quite piece together. More... alive? But she had been Ashtaroth, always alive. He was sure of that much, Theresa's presence or not.
Rayu managed to compose himself, adjusting his hat in a familiar, comforting gesture. "'S not like I wasn't the one to drag you here," he said. Hey hadn't been left with much himself. (The house... that must have been where Rhys had put the gold last minute.) This was, however, Bydell. It wasn't much expense, and perhaps not worth the time it would take to argue about it. "Are you ready? With a breeze like this, 's not a bad place to clear your head."
She shook her head. "I asked you to choose, so it was kind of my choice anyway. It doesn't matter," she said dismissively, almost interrupting herself to hurry on the conversation. She did glance at him then, looking almost guilty, though what for wasn't quite so obvious, not even to her. She managed a weak smile, never having been much for smiling in the first place, but there it was. "...thanks. We'll call it even after this. Are you done?" she asked, eyes flickering over to the horse.
Even for the wolf, presumably. She remembered that clear as day. Why hadn't she been afraid? Even looking back on it she didn't feel any fear. Just that residual annoyance that she had not been able to take it down, and the memory of how tightly he'd held on to her hand and pulled her behind him from the cave.
Ashtaroth tapped her fingers on the inside of her arm, restless, before she nodded and turned in wordlessly, heading into the inn again and down the hallway. She'd gotten a ride in from one of the paladins she knew that guarded the Temple who had been passing through on his way to his hometown, another hour out of Bydell. It had been cold in the morning, and her equally black cloak lay folded over a chair, along with a satchel, already emptied, of parchment and pen, and a half-eaten apple beside them.
"...do you think she'll answer right away?" she asked, standing by but not sitting in the chair. "I don't want to waste your time just waiting."
Realizing he had been officially caught, he cleared his throat again and nodded, cheeks a little red for it.
Even? Hardly. But Rayu was not thinking of the wolf. He was thinking about how she knew this, and how, perhaps, Theresa had been part to Ashtaroth's acceptance. He remembered behaviors he couldn't quite explain that were easier to pin on Rhys. Not things he wouldn't do, if the circumstances were right, but that hadn't quite been. Would she reflect on it later? Theresa had said it hadn't been disingenuous. All he could do was choose to believe it.
But he did not voice it, only nodding and following her through the inn. Once they entered the room, he set his lute and his pack aside to free him of the weight, and, as an afterthought, hung his hat at the end of his lute. It felt more honest. There was no reason to play mind games or do his own 'roleplay'. That may have been the worst he could do.
"If she isn't busy," he said, and he dropped whatever rough edge he had. If Theresa felt as highly of Ashtaroth as she claimed, he couldn't imagine her leaving them hanging. "But it's not a waste. Waiting may be the hardest part."
She looked at him, frowning briefly, but more as a reaction of surprise upon hearing his voice change. It was almost like hearing another person talk.
...which, in a sense, he was. They'd decided he was Rayu between them, for safety's sake, but how hard that must be, she wondered, because she saw in him someone who still wanted to be that person.
But how could he ever get back to that? And should she even feel that way? It sent a pang of traitorous shame through her to have even thought it, but it was hard to hold on to it with Rayu- Victor- standing across from her.
There were other things to think on, but she pushed them aside brashly, sitting down, her posture almost straight, except for a slight slump to her shoulders. "So, I... I don't know how to start this." She pressed her lips together, reaching up to push her hair back again. "How... how did you... what did you ask first?"
He mistook her frown and her surprise. It was easy to assume that Ashtaroth was dealing with her feelings for Theresa, about players, and about everything that was that strange mess. It was easier to think as Victor, he realized. There shouldn't have been a difference, but Victor had permission to be soft. It gave him a brief wonder of how he'd have reacted to Rhys if he had always been able to be Victor. But there was nothing to do about that now.
Truthfully, Rhys had contacted Rayu first, but he didn't need to get into the life story of it. The more time went on, the more this situation came to light and the rules changed. He stuck to the spirit of the question. "I was afraid," he admitted. "I asked him about the world and its changes. I refused to let him answer anything about me." He frowned. They had made a weak alliance then. The fear of danger had meant everything, but so was the fear of seeing Rhys as human.
"... I think I regret it. However you feel... Trying to bury that hurts us more than them." Because they already knew. "Anything you might be thinking... It's free game."
She watched him settle in, the slight change in his demeanor, and with her hands in her lap hesitated a long moment, unsure if she wished to do this. She ... didn't know what she thought. Or what she wanted to know. She couldn't even really get a handle on a good burst of anger. Why had her mother died? Why had she become such an angry person? Why was there a strange red-haired alchemist following her around all the time??
Okay, not all the time, but she was still pretty freaked out about that.
She nodded at his words slightly, staring at the paper in front of her. She wasn't even sure if she was afraid, just- well, maybe that was the problem. She wanted a reason to care about this person who had made her, because for all intents and purposes, she found she didn't.
Did that mean Theresa knew that?
Well, hey, no pressure.
"I. I guess I should write something then," she said, still staring at the blank parchment in front of her. What should she start with? And what did she want to ask about? She'd been putting it off, but thinking about Nova made her think about Artemis. Should she have spoken with him first? But... what if he wasn't awake? She pressed her lips together and picked up the pen.
"...how should I address it?..."
"Theresa, player of Ashtaroth," he said, and he was willing to spell it if she asked for the clarification. Rayu kept himself a few steps back, where it would have been impossible to see what she was writing. He was willing to help, but he wasn't about to read anything word for word unless she asked him to directly. It was a private matter. Or he considered it one. Maybe there were others who hadn't, and Ash hadn't yet taken the time to figure out where she stood.
He had promised Theresa he would be there to help Ash with it, but began to wonder if his sympathies went too much to Theresa herself. Was his approach not allowing Ashtaroth the anger she needed? The rest of them had it and sorted through it. Ashtaroth was prone to bouts of it, but... seemed so calm now.
His mouth opened to speak, but he stopped himself. Best not to over think it and interrupt her train of thought by trying to fill every silence. Rayu fell quiet and settled against the wall, folding his arms.
She nodded and, after asking the spelling, wrote it down, then paused again. How to start...
You know who I am, and I suspect you've been waiting for this moment to come. I don't know what you were talking to that red-headed alchemist about but I don't appreciate being yelled at for something I didn't do.
There. That... sounded appropriate. Sort of. But it didn't give much to answer to. She reached up with her free hand to pull her hair back, letting it go as she went back to thinking and looking every inch a student during a test trying to answer a question they never studied for. Her hair fell back into place without her noticing.
I know about as much of players and Earth and all that as I care to, so I suppose I'll move on to the more important questions. Who are you? And why did you create me?
That was better. Really give her something to think about!
She rolled up the parchment and tied it off before putting the stamp on it. The little dragon still managed to startle her, giving away her nervousness. She let the dragon have it and watched it disappear again. She sighed.
"...did you want something to eat or anything?..."
He looked up at her once the dragon was gone, noting her start. Waiting would be the hardest part. Ashtaroth had no concept of Theresa, but Rayu did. And he... trusted her, he admitted to himself. That may have been the wrong path to take himself down, but he was already on it. Theresa had claimed to need Ashtaroth. It was no use worrying himself, or filling the room with that added tension. Whatever Ashtaroth decided was important, real, and necessary.
"I'm fine," he said. "Do you need something?" Rayu offered a small smile. "I'm here for you, not the other way around."
"Do I- no, no," she said, clearly embarrassed. "I don't think so, anyway. I just feel silly, is all." She looks back to the empty table. "Talking to someone that I'm not even sure exists. Just because other people say she does."
She looks over at him, taking a minute to study him without his hat on, even going so far as to push back on the chair a little so the front two legs come up off the floor. "I just don't know what to think about it. I almost feel like I have better things to do than... than this. And I don't know if I feel bad for that or not. Did you ever think you were just talking to an invisible perso-erk!"
The dragon reappeared, chirping as the chair slammed back down on all fours, her surprise at its reappearance startling her again. Blushing darkly, she reached up for the message and opened it up.
My name is Theresa, as you know. Nova, as you may recall, is an acquaintance of Artemis. He became self-aware early on, and distrustful of players. He knows the other I used to play, a mage called Reilanin. For his own reasons he saw fit to engage me often in conversation, through dragonmail and through you. I apologize for his behaviour. He is unpredictable and an annoyance at best.
As a person, I live in Fall City. I used to work in the library at the university here, but circumstances saw me removed from my position and free to expand on you by playing Zenderael. I am guardian to a young man that switched over here from there.
Your creation was in response to the first of mine, Reilanin, becoming self-aware. I was at a point where I found her presence necessary to me, but I could not bring myself to control her any longer, and so I let her go. I made you shortly after, I think to compensate for what, at the time, was a great loss for me.
The personal need has lessened, but unfortunately the needs of others had not, particularly in Bastan, and so I found use for you there.
Ashtaroth read through that, amazed that so much had come so quickly. The manner in which she wrote was precise, easy to read, with no embellishments, and printed throughout. "...she... has a lot to say," Ashtaroth muttered, a little dazed.
Rayu felt through his hair, trying to brush back his bangs, but they had been cut in a way that they naturally tended to fall over one eye. It was getting long enough that he could barely tuck it behind his ear, but without his hat, there was nothing to hold it there. And where Rhys had allowed some of Rayu's natural blonde to show, Rayu was more vigilante about staying brunette.
He listened with his full attention, smiling and almost starting to laugh. Better things to do. Well. He couldn't argue that. Maybe they all over thought this. But before she could finish-- before he could formulate any kind of response-- the dragon returned and for a second Rayu was positive Ashtaroth's chair was going to tilt back in the other direction. His body acted without him, grabbing hold of her arm to steady her before he realized it was unnecessary.
Embarrassed, he was quick to release her with an apologetic withdrawal, composing himself as she read over the letter. Though curious, he didn't dare try reading any of it over her shoulder.
It took a few mental attempts to find his next words to say. "Does it help answer your questions?"
She rubbed at her arm where he'd grabbed her, not to say that it'd hurt but- well maybe it had, sort of, though it had been more surprise than pain that made the feeling of pressure linger. "No, not really. I mean, sort of, but it just sort of... brings me to more questions."
Turning back, she wrote, That's all well and good, but why did you create someone like me? Why is my mother dead? Why am I a cleric and not something else? A pause went by and, frowning, she added, Why have I done so many stupid things for Artemis? It's true I feel sympathy for him for his loss, but it hardly seems fitting that I should have been out doing the things I did, particularly without him along. It seems rather cold, doesn't it? It seems wrong to have used Rayu in his stead.
She sent the dragonmail off again, then sat back, almost tilting the chair back, then looked over to him sheepishly, keeping the chair firmly planted. "Nice reflexes," she commented belatedly. Part and parcel of being a hunter, maybe.
"She said it was for personal reasons she made me, because she lost her... her first one. Who became real. Do they all have multiple people? What about you and yours?"
Rayu frowned in sympathy, but as Ashtaroth went back to writing, he fell quiet and looked to the ground, lost in his own thoughts. There should have been more he was doing for her, and he half wondered if standing here was making it worse.
Then she spoke again and he felt at the back of his hair nervously. "Ah-- sorry." It came out as a mumble, and he averted his eyes until she started speaking again.
He shook his head with a shrug of his arms. "I don't know if they all do. Mine did-- does. I've met one of them. The other... he's in the other world, or so I've been told." He folded his arms and tapped his fingers against his arm in a brief pause of thought. "I was his first. But he had some kind of accident, and that's why, well--" He gestured to himself and shrugged again. "There's some missing time right after everything happened." If a year could be described as some.
She didn't think it was bad at all, having him there. He was inobtrusive and quiet, and spoke when spoken to. Selfish to want that, maybe, but if that's what he was going to give, she was fine with that.
The apology garnered an amused, albeit nervous look, and she folded her arms over her middle, looking back to the empty table, like it might answer her somehow.
"More than two? At the same time?" she asked, looking a little surprised. Two seemed tedious enough, but at least Theresa had intimated it had been one at a time... but three at once? How could you even focus on one of them properly with three of them running around?...
The rest of the story kept her quiet and she tilted her head forward while she thought on it. "I guess things in their world would affect us..." Ashtaroth thought on it a long moment, scuffing her heel on the floor. "Was it before or... after...?" She'd started the question out strong before realizing what it was she was asking, and who she was asking to answer it. She side-eyed him before glancing away, jerking her thoughts over to why she didn't have a response yet.
Rayu smiled with her skepticism. "Don't look at me. I have no idea how this works or how he pulled it off. The one I met... she and I aren't even alike." Appearances were one thing, but her shyly energetic, challenge seeking behavior was another. Though Rayu was the first, he did not feel a sense of being special for it. Virelai shared much more with Rhys than he did. But that was supposed to be a good thing, wasn't it? More autonomy...
His smile fell, but didn't vanish. It was something weak, halfway between reassurance-- that she could ask-- and resigned to the memories. "After," he said. "By days. I had always regret running away. As it turns out, I didn't. I didn't exist." He ran his fingers through his hair, glancing to the window. "It would be easy to blame him, or even the girl who controlled the assassins, but--"
With a blink, he realized he was rambling, jerking his gaze back to Ashtaroth with a fluster. "Er-- that is. Sorry."
She listened, enraptured. It was all just... so bizarre to her. One person, controlling multiple people, and setting them loose on the environment, having them interact with other people doing the same thing. And yet it seemed strangely well thought-out, too, and flexible. Though, she noted in Rayu's case, not always for the best.
He hadn't existed. Hadn't existed! She considered that as best she could but she couldn't. Taken a complete hiatus from existence because of something happening in another world! "Why do you keep apologizing?" she asked finally, finding that to be of greater importance to her. "As far as I'm concerned, you don't have anything to apologize for. I'm the one asking the questions, after all..." She trailed a little, looking away, still wrapping her head around the concepts they were trying to talk about. "...well, I'll let you know when I want an apology for something, so... don't worry about it, okay?"
She picked up her apple again and took a moment, not jumping so badly as the dragon popped back into existence with the letter in claw. She took the response and offered some of the apple to the dragon, which sniffed it gingerly and took the chunk in one claw, chattering to itself musingly.
Your mother is dead because mine is as well. We were about the same age when our parents died. Using you, and using Reilanin- because that is, in truth, what I did- was an effort to help myself understand. I became closed off at a young age. It was a kind of roleplaying for me. A re-acquaintance with the world.
Your attachment to Artemis wasn't meant to be ... what it turned out to be. When another character discovered you and he were still being controlled by the likes of us, he was quite upset, particularly on the part of Artemis. It was decided we would try and work towards resurrecting Artemis' wife. Something I was almost able to accomplish through you, but I ran out of time. Regardless of what your actual knowledge and experience may be, skills may be learned based off of certain factors. However, I was not able to meet those requirements.
Why you are a cleric in the first place was an arbitrary matter. It seemed of interest to me, and the Order allowed me to flesh out who you were, though my own curiousity of it remains in you. Many things are happening in the world. It may be a good idea to keep with it.
Ash stared at the letter, eyebrows drawn in, frowning and saying nothing while she reread it.
How in the world could I have learned to resurrect the dead? The pen bit deeper into the paper than she meant for it to, writing out the phrase in a burst of incredulity. She huffed when the maildragon left with her response. The rest she still had to think on, but that seemed easiest to nitpick first.
That question hadn't been what he expected. Rayu blinked, dumb struck. It seemed obvious he was saying too much, getting too personal, not taking enough responsibility, or focusing too much on himself-- but Ashtaroth was unfazed. He broke into a smile. "Okay," he agreed, still struggling for something of more substance to add. "And... anything you want to ask is fine."
She was still trying to figure things out herself, but he hadn't take the time to discuss it without feeling the need to dismiss or hide his feelings. Those who had known about the situation looked at players unfavorably. It was impossible to be fully objective, but...
Well. It was complicated. And maybe acknowledging that was fine, too.
He fell again to silence as she read and wrote her letter. Though he could not read-- and wouldn't try to sneak a glance-- he could tell each letter from Theresa was long, and each message from Astaroth well thought out. There was a tug of... was that envy? Rhys' responses were shorter, and rarely expanded on if Rayu didn't ask. The more he thought about it, the less Rayu knew about Rhys. And perhaps all he had to do was ask. Genuinely.
But he had resisted the idea, and already admitted his fear. Ashtaroth immediately fell into it with little more than a thoughtful furrowing of her brow.
She waved her hand a little as though to dismiss the offer, before she thought it over again. "...well, I might ask a few more... I guess this is the best time to ask questions... being... new and all. But I don't feel new... did you notice anything different when it happened to you?" Words, too many words. Had she always been chatty like this? She hoped it settled down, that it was just a phase. He was ridiculously easy to talk to, though, and she couldn't imagine why. And he'd just listen? Poor guy, she thought. She had a million things bubbling through her brain. She covered her mouth as though it might help keep it all back.
Rayu was a mystery, too. Should she ask about him? Maybe... maybe later. Theresa seemed... willing to answer questions. Accessible. It didn't seem right to ask with him right there. Later then. After all, why wasn't she more afraid of him? Or why hadn't she been to begin with? After what he'd done... or supposedly done... well, however that worked.
The dragon popped back in. To us, your world
As it stands, level 100 affords you the ability to resurrect a fallen player. Not necessarily dead, but for you, in the real Zenderael, this is how it would translate. But consider this a blessing in disguise, perhaps. The burden of such power does not lie with you.
Is there anything else?
Ashtaroth hesitated. There were more things, but that was a lot for all at once. I have to think about this. I'll write you back when I've thought of something else.
She sighed again as the dragon disappeared. "What a weird world they must have..."
Rayu shook his head. "That was the maddening part. Everything felt the same. Everything looked the same. So if this was true, how could it be identified? How could be confident we still weren't controlled?" He let out a sigh and rubbed his hand over his neck. "...But realizing this is more... universal than I thought has made it easier. If it's always been this way, if it's so common, then... maybe it isn't as much of a danger." But there were other dangers, and ones he could do nothing about. He found himself trying to forget about them, but Amber was a reminder. People just appeared and disappeared where they didn't belong. It was a bridge to cross when he got to it.
He looked politely away as she wrote, glancing back with the familiar poof of the dragon as it continued its errand. "No kidding. I'm hoping most of us don't end up having to learn about it in detail." It was probably too idealistic to continue hoping that.
She waited a little, but no dragon returned. Had she successfully told the other woman (?) off? Somewhere between smugness and frustration, she looked back to Rayu, not realizing her arms were crossed in front of her again, making her look more than a little standoffish.
But there was no sign of it as she shook her head and responded, "well, they're learning plenty about us from all of Bastan that's been taken over. And I hear there are things from there in Zenderael..." She looked back to the table, kicking off the floor a little again so the chair tilted backwards, earlier's near-spill already forgotten. "There's already so much to worry about here, though, I'd rather not think about it."
And now this... a danger, he'd called it. She didn't know how, but she wasn't sure she wanted to think on that, either. She reached up to pull her hair back again. "I told her I'd contact her again later once I thought about all of it..." A sigh escaped her. "She made it sound like this was all right now, or something. She needed me but doesn't now. What kind of harebrained creator...?"
Really, though, it just left her with the question of 'what now'? Going back to every day living seemed a strange idea to her after that.
He watched the space the dragon should have returned to with his own kind of anticipation and Ashtartorth's look told him it wasn't coming. When she spoke again, he had a blink of surprise that it wasn't about that matter. It left him unable to respond long enough for her to continue, and he stepped over to the desk now that it didn't feel like he was an invader in that space.
"She knew she would lose you," he said, remembering what little Theresa had told him about her feelings. "Maybe she found a way to come to terms with it." It would be foolish to speak much more on the subject. It looked like Ashtaroth had more discourse with Theresa today than Rayu had over their time together. He also still could not wrap his mind around what it meant to lose them. When Victor had lost Rhys, he didn't exist until he returned as Rayu. Without Rayu, Rhys didn't have the same problem. The reverse connection... It seemed trivial, and only made serious by their new reality.
"But maybe these things... Players and earth..." He shrugged his arms. "It is a lot to think about. And I'm not sure how much it does change." It depended on who you asked. "Maybe the most important thing is to remember to focus on ourselves and where we want our stories to go."
Ashtaroth looked up to him as he walked back over, arms folding loosely over her stomach, rocking a little in the chair. She knew?... "She did mention something like that," she said uneasily, looking away. Resurrection! Really! She'd been told to think about it, and she was surprised to realize that she did know a lot- well, she amended, of course she did. That was part of why she'd joined the Order, to learn, and to learn as much as she could. It just seemed... so little referenced, so little applied. And the idea that just going out and striking down a couple of hellhounds would provide the necessary experience...?
"What a weird world," she muttered again down to the table. She dug a finger into the crook of her elbow, rubbing at a spot there. "Well, I hope she did," she said after a moment, truthfully. "To live through someone else... that sounds kind of sad, doesn't it? So if she has something else, that's all right with me." She looked confused, but that was true enough. She didn't know what she could have possibly provided, but it wasn't her concern anymore, sounded like.
"Well," she said, a bit more loudly than she'd meant to, and she flushed a little even as she continued on, "I'll go back to what I was doing. It isn't like I learned anything so new I'd change course." Of course, part of that meant talking to Artemis... and that was a can of works all its own. Someone had wanted her to learn resurrection to bring his wife back?...
Nova.
She glared at the table briefly once she realized that. Maybe she'd just... leave both those things alone for a little bit.
Living through someone... It was a little sad. Gone for a year... Rhys without a voice. Rayu a bard. He shook his head at his own thoughts.
Her glare had him frowning. Rayu glanced to the window before he worked up the nerve to look back at her. "I'm sorry about how this went down... With knowing. And helping her." It was an unfortunate truth that he may not have been able to without Theresa's input. Ashtaroth was someone Rayu probably shouldn't keep to close to, but the circumstances now stretched beyond their world and into another. He wondered if anyone else in her Order shared her origins.
Thoughts getting too grim, he broke into a wry smile. "But my offer to lend you my help as you need it still stands, even if that means something different from undead caves now."
Her silence lasted until he spoke, and she looked up, startled, about to comment on his newest apology before she stopped herself and considered it. The frown softened but didn't disappear entirely.
"It's- well. It's not like I could do anything about it. And if she needed me to do some weird things- I mean, it didn't get me killed, so that's okay..."
...was it? She reflected on that. Well, it'd have to be all right. It was over now and she could carry on doing as she pleased.
....ah, then, did that mean Rayu had only been helping her at Theresa's request? And now that she was no longer Theresa and no longer had to do those stupid quests for Artemis- or had they really been for herself under the guise of being for Artemis?- was there even any reason for him to continue associating with her?
And shouldn't she be more concerned with her associating with him anyway?
"Ah- ah, well," she said, clearly startled by the realization. "That... that sounds good. I don't think I'll be going into any undead caves anytime soon on my own. I mean, now that... I'm on my own. Not that... I wouldn't take you... with me..." She cleared her throat, glancing aside. "...well, same goes for me, I guess. One Cleric of the Order, at your service, hahaha..."
Rayu coughed with his own throat clearing with an equally nervous smile to match the gesture. "R-right. I know I'm--" He sighed, but his expression didn't fall. "Ah--"
He shook his head. "Thank you. For letting me come with you today, that is." He glanced to the side. "It... gave me a lot to think about to. And time to think about it." His smile lost its uneasy easy, but became softer for it. "I feel like I ought to be ashamed how I handled everything. You took it so well."
"I haven't had time to really think about it... it's a lot, you know?" she asked, though she did so softly, eyes downcast. It didn't feel real. Would it ever? Should she be angry? Or upset? Was something wrong with her if she wasn't? Rayu seemed to praise it, but she shook her head thinking on it. "But you had a lot more to be upset about. I mean, think about it. Or don't, but I can't imagine anyone coming out of what you did without being more than a little angry." And that didn't even include any of the assassin stuff that happened afterwards.
She rubbed the back of her neck before pulling her hair in front of her, toying with the strands. "It's just... kind of weird is all. I went from chatting with a local seamstress to being yelled at by an alchemist who knows who she is... but that's about it? And a couple of letters, some explanations that... that don't really change much... maybe...?" She looked back over to him, still plucking at her hair nervously. "You don't mind helping me, even if it's just me? Not her?"
"It's handling having this much to think about that's impressive," he said. Whatever conclusion she came to would come in time, but... hit with all this, and still steady. That was something he admired. Again, he found it odd to look at her and see her so young, and though she had flashes that showed her age, there was a strange maturity that went with it-- strange mainly because it felt more mature than he was. Maybe it was an unintended influence of their creators. Or maybe it was completely intended: Rayu had done a lot he wasn't proud of.
He blinked with her question, caught unguarded and feeling at the back of his neck. "Part of why I helped her at all was because I thought it might help you. With... this inevitability, or... anything else, I suppose."
If she were to get to know Theresa or even Reilanin, she'd know that they all shared a certain kind of unflappability, the ability to be floored by normal situations but remain oddly composed in the midst of an odd one. She didn't feel she would react any more strongly to this later today, tomorrow morning, or even a week later. This was it. A sort of anti-climactic "huh". "It is a lot," she said, looking a little confused, "but there's really just not a lot I can do about it. You know? And the stuff I can..."
She shrugged uneasily. Maybe she'd just... wait and see if Artemis contacted her first...
His confession saw her staring at him, stunned by it. "Oh... oh," she said, softly, looking away, at first something that might be taken for disappointment, but the blush was a little too easy to see on her face. The idea of having someone do something for her and not the other way around... "Th-thanks," she said. "Thanks. I appreciate it."
"It's not much," he admitted, still only looking at Ashtaroth through side glances. Theresa had mentioned something about Ash being a possible target of some of the others like them. "But if anyone gives you trouble, I'm on your side. So... contact me, and I'll do what I can."
"Yeah," she said, looking a little startled. If anyone gave her trouble...? She considered questioning it, but with everything that had been going on, she wasn't entirely surprised to hear it.
Hadn't Theresa said something...?
She looked ahead a moment, then nodding to herself, put the chair down on all fours again and stood up once she'd scraped it along the floor to push it out.
"This room's stuffy," she said. She'd been there all morning, even before he'd gotten there. She wasn't used to sitting around, either. "Come on. Let's go take a walk or something. Can you even play that thing?" She asked, referring to his instrument.
The hair on Rayu's neck bristled as his tone took a turn for the mildly offended, but mostly flustered. "Of course I can play that thing." He looked back to his lute with an askew frown and stepped over to it, picking up to look it over and play with its tuning briefly. "Although, it's been a while."
He looked over his shoulder at Ashtaroth and gestured to the door. "We'll get some fresh air and I'll play you something."
Looking back at her, he would catch the impertinent grin on her face, as though she'd won some small victory. "Sorry," she said, not sounding sorry at all. So he could be offended by something! She'd have to keep that in mind.
Still smiling, she stood, taking her things- she'd probably just go back to Bastan after this- and followed him out. "Something good, right?" she asked, shutting the door to the empty inn room.