Rayu Barozu (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
justabard) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
zenderael_mmo2012-12-21 02:45 am
justabard) wrote in zenderael_mmo2012-12-21 02:45 am
Entry tags:
[Ashtaroth/Rayu - Stay]
Who: Ashtaroth and Rayu
When: Friday, 6/10 the day that lasted forever
Where: Tournament Arena
Before/After: After Rhys gets the letter from Ezra
Warnings: n/a?
In which Rayu stops Ashtaroth from making a mistake.
Bastan was under attack.
He found out as Rhys did, on the field when Virelai rushed in, both trying to forcibly drag Rhys in for healing. Even spitting up his own blood, or perhaps especially spitting up his own blood, the Ahura was almost impossible to physically force to do anything. Rayu would have resorted to pleading, but there was so much fire and anger in the Ahura's eyes that it stopped him. He stared, but finally Rhys relented once his rage turned to sorrow.
Rhys stayed only long enough to receive his healing, and was gone the moment Ashtaroth was done. Rayu kept silent through it, watching Ashtaroth with concern. She would already know of it all, her duties putting him so close to the Ahura and the buzz that surrounded him. The body found in the Ahura's tent, and that Aerveas seemed responsible for the murder. The smokescreen escape during the match, and the subsequent news of Bastan being taken. He had never been so glad to have asked someone a favor before. If he hadn't asked her to be here, she'd be there. Something told him Ashtaroth was not sharing that sentiment.
Once was was gone, leaving them without Rhys' miasma-like shroud of conviction that fit more like gloom than hope, Rayu stepped from the wall toward Ashtaroth. "We'll get you somewhere safe to stay," he said, trying to preempt any other idea she may have had.
Bastan was being taken. It was being taken and she wasn't there to ... to what? To help. To do something. Anything.
She went through the motions of healing, both because of her own shock and because of the utter sense of loss emanating from the Ahura. She'd tried to say something, anything, but nothing had come out, and he'd left. She stood to watch after him, and continued to stare in that direction. It was just as she'd taken a step towards the exit that Rayu spoke, and she jumped, turning on him, having actually forgotten he was there because he had been so quiet throughout the healing.
"If I do that, I won't be able to get back," she said, her voice blank, matter-of-fact. It was stupid of her to assume she would be able to get back in, of course, or that it would be any kind of good idea in any way at all, but her mind was conveniently forgetting that in favour of reminding her she should get back to Bastan, if she was done here.
She turned and went to walk out. To follow Rhys, or to find her way to a warp mage, or something- she could already feel the itch that standing still and doing nothing made her feel.
Rayu took her by the wrist to stop her. Bold as it was, he did not let go or pull back this time. His fingers tightened. "You can't go back," he said. His tone was not a command. It was a plea. "The city's already lost."
She jerked back, so determined had she been to walk away. She caught herself, putting her other hand to his, automatically trying to pry his had from her wrist.
Wide-eyed, she looked up at him. "No- no, I have to go back. It's- everyone I know-"
Did he understand? Did he feel the same at all? It had been his home once, too.
"Rayu, let me go," she said, her voice steady and firm, but her expression and her hand trembling.
His grip held, but his steady expression did not. Rayu grimaced, and kept his eyes locked on hers. "I won't." He understood. Bastan had been his home, and his betrayal had torn him up only because he loved it. There were still people there he cared about, Ravindra among them.
"If we-- if you go back now," he said, "You'll only get yourself killed."
She stared at his hand on her wrist. Rayu was always so careful to keep his distance. Why couldn't she get him to let go all of a sudden? Ashtaroth tugged her arm back again, with a similar lack of results, and her eyes moved back up to his.
"Rayu, let me go," she said, more force behind that last word, a small break brought about by desperation. She breathed in deeply, then out, but it didn't seem to help. She shook her head. "No, no- it's not- I can't stay here, I can't- Xumurdad's sake, I can't stay here."
When she pulled, he tugged back, pulling her closer to him. His own breath caught the more desperate she became, sure that if she got away from him now, she would bolt and he wouldn't be able to catch up. Rayu brought his other hand to her face, her cheek, holding her there to keep her eyes there. "Ash. Ashtaroth. Listen to me. You have to stay because they're all there. Because they need to know some are safe out here. Because we can still help them, but not-- not if you go running in there blind."
Her head jerked back, not because the touch was unpleasant or unwanted, but because it kept her where she was, kept her from walking out and finding that way back. She didn't want to listen, she needed to go. She shook her head again, unable to look away or pull back, but waiting, waiting for that grip to loosen, waiting to bolt. When it didn't, she could feel herself getting angry, her helplessness translating into that too-familiar anger.
"Let go of me! I won't be made a traitor too!"
The words were no sooner out of her mouth that she froze, and her demeanor changed again so that she clung to him. "No- no, I didn't mean- I didn't meant that, I'm sorry- Rayu, I'm sorry, please, that isn't- I didn't meant to-"
The words shot through him like an arrow. The hand at her cheek slipped, but the other was acting so automatically its firm grip remained. Rayu did not stare at her so much as through her, and even when she clung back to him, he could not find it in him to react.
"... Then let me be the traitor," he finally said, voice bereft of emotion. "Because I'm not letting you leave."
She stared at him, shocked and wide-eyed at her own words, cut off of her own volition, but not enough to take back what she'd said. Ah, but it'd been lurking in her mind since she'd been able to think for herself. No matter who had made him do it, no matter how kind he'd been, it was what he'd done.
She was supposed to have been different from all that, wasn't she? Rhys had asked as much of her.
Her eyes fell, searching for words. None came. Breathing erratic, she swallowed, trying to hold back the tears burning behind her eyes, but to no avail. She shut her eyes, sobbing, the tension in her arm dropping in favour of gathering in her shoulders and chest instead as she cried.
"I'm sorry. I- I'm- I won't- I'll- I'll stay, I- I'll stay, Rayu." Her words were punctuated with sobs and jerky breaths in, and she lifted her free hand to cover her face, as much ashamed as upset.
A hand moved to her should, resting there, but still with a grip that was uncertain if she meant it. The other had his handkerchief, offering it forward with the same distant look. "For now," he assured her. "But there will be a time to return. The remaining paladins will be regrouping. You should go with them."
Yes. Other paladins. She would stay with them- she would be needed with them. As a healer and as a figure. She'd already failed to be one for Rhys. And she'd just now failed to be one for Rayu. Sniffling like mad, wiping at her eyes with her sleeve, she didn't notice the handkerchief right away. When she did, she took it timidly, keeping her feet firmly on the ground in front of him. Head bowed, it was impossible to see her expression, her hair like a curtain.
Eyes wiped, nose blown, she held onto it, doubly ashamed now for having required it at all. Her shoulders slumped, still hitching every now and then with an unsteady breath.
"What about you?" she asked softly, not lifting her head up. Perhaps she didn't deserve to ask now, but she did anyway, twisting the handkerchief in her hands.
His grip on her shoulder loosened, but his hand stayed there like a heavy weight. Rayu watched her, even though he couldn't see past her hair, feeling a twist with every shudder that came with her crying. More than he deserved, certainly, for her to have been upset to say it at all.
"There are people at home I need to check on," he said. "And it's not safe for me with the paladins. I'll have to find another avenue. With the Ahura, most likely."
She looked up then. He'd stay with the Ahura? "Th-then I will, too," she said, grasping at straws. "I'll stay with the Ahura. And we can meet up again when you're done."
Rayu frowned, looking back at her and searching her face a silent moment for reservations. "Is that what you want?"
What she wanted? She looked a little dazed at the question before she nodded, slowly.
"Can I? Can I do that?... he'll need a healer still, won't he?..."
"He will," he said. "And he won't turn you away." But a feeling nagged at him, his eyes still looking into hers, almost narrowing, trying to find something he couldn't place. "Is that more comfortable?"
"Nothing's comfortable," she mumbled, her eyes falling away again. Certainly not being scrutinized like this. She sniffed again reflexively. "I just... I want to be close by. To something familiar."
He relaxed his gaze, guilty and averting his eyes. "... I'm sorry," he said. That he had been intense. That he was the familiar to her.
"I'll meet you back there."
She shut her eyes and nodded in response. She hated to think on it- hated to admit that she had given in to her own misgivings in a moment when she had deemed her own situation the worse of the two. And it wasn't, really. Even if it hadn't been Rayu's situation, Rhys'... that poor girl... it'd crossed her mind a brief moment to try, to see if she could bring her back, but she knew she couldn't. She didn't deserve that power.
"I'll stay with Rhys," she said, looking back up, miserable as ever, but at least, this time, with reason. "I don't know... I'll see what clerics are here... maybe I can help organize things...?"
And the Ahura would eventually make his way to Bastan, so...
"...but you won't be able to stay much, will you?"
Rayu nodded again. "Organizing any clerics would be helpful." The Vahishta never left Bastan, to his knowledge. There was little hope he wasn't trapped within the city. He gave Ashtaroth's shoulder a gentle squeeze. "If word gets out to them, and they're able to regroup with the paladins..." He just nodded. She already knew what he meant, but putting the matter into words was like pushing through mud.
He closed his eyes, thoughtful a moment before he looked back at her. "I am-- was. I was a paladin," he said. "I know Bastan, and I know its prisons. They need all the help they can get."
"I'm sure... I'm sure there are older ones than me, with more authority... but if there's anything to do..."
It was all she could hope for, really. Everything felt like it was falling apart so fast, everything from Artemis to Bastan to this, this terrible little conversation.
The squeeze to her shoulder made tears prick at her eyes again and she blinked fiercely, willing them back. Was. It didn't seem right, having watched the vicious paladin from earlier in the tournament, knowing he was allowed in their ranks, and have Rayu in front of her, cast out from them. Would that man even go to help Bastan at all? And yet Rayu would risk himself to, even now...
"Thank you," she said softly, feeling wretched as she looked down. "For stopping me."
They were already close enough that a half step more did not feel like reaching. Rayu moved forward, pressing against Ashtaroth's back in what was almost a hug. "You'll see it again," he said, voice lowered and soft. "But you need to take care of yourself to do it."
Almost for him, but a moment only passed before she reached up, arms under his and around his back, squeezing him tightly with her face pressed to his shoulder. She'd do it. He was right, and she knew that. Whatever experience she had could not make up for her age, but she would try, she would try harder, to overcome that.
Just a moment. It's all she could allow herself. Sniffing even as she pulled away, eyes on the floor even as she tilted her chin up stubbornly, she said with a cracked voice, "you too, of course. You and Rhys are so much alike, I expect the same promise out of you that I got from him. Take care of yourself. And maybe... you'll see Bastan again too, when this is over."
Relieved for the silent confirmation she would not run off, Rayu wrapped his arms around her, hands light against her back. He told himself he was giving her comfort, because even if she deserved better, he was what was there. But he needed it himself. Too many times, Rayu told himself he did not care about Bastan. First, a necessity, and then something he did not care about enough. He had no right, but every day, he missed it, and knowing it fell to literal pieces, knowing what remained had been invaded, pricked at his heart in a way he couldn't ignore.
Rayu kept his hands set on Ashtaroth's shoulders when she pulled back, forgetting them when he was taken aback by her statement. Like Rhys? The hair on his neck bristled with offense, but the reaction was softened by the atmosphere. Rhys was infuriating. ... Sometimes looking into a mirror was like that. Relenting, Rayu took a deep breath and let it out with a sigh, but managed a smile once it passed. "Yeah. Maybe." From a distance. It was the only way he could.
"You're doing it now!" she exclaimed, her laugh more like a hiccup. "You're doing that smile thing." She dug the heel of her hand into an eye to rub at it, almost viciously. "And I have a feeling I know what that means by now!"
She took a deep breath, which hitched, but she diligently made herself breathe out and breathe in again. Letting it out the second time she felt much calmer.
"You better get going," she said then, looking up at him. "This place will start swarming with paladins and clerics soon enough." It wouldn't be safe for him to stay much longer... for now. Fervently she found herself hoping that his helping would help him somehow.
Startled, Rayu nearly jumped back, bringing his hand to his mouth. The smile th-- Tch! His face reddened, hand there to cover whatever smile thing was happening while his eyes. He tried to glare at her, but her laughter, even mixed with her tears, won a genuine smile as his hand dropped. "Sh... shut up," he said, half-hearted, finding he hoped for the opposite.
It all softened with her breathing, his hand back at her shoulder to rub the side. Ash was right. His disguise never held as well as it needed to. Not to those who knew him, and some of the paladins might have fallen into that category. "I'll meet you in the Undertow as soon as I can, all right?" He adjusted his hat, gaze lingering on her a moment more before he slipped out of the room.
She nodded and saw him off, watching after him before she lifted her hand to her arm, rubbing the spot there herself. She shut her eyes, breathed in again, and let it out. Well. Nothing was getting done this way.
Forcibly pushing aside the thoughts of all that might be happening in Bastan, all the people she knew, all the people she might never see again- she made herself walk outside, head up, expression set, and went in search of the Ahura, careful not to let herself get distracted every time she saw a straw hat.
When: Friday, 6/10 the day that lasted forever
Where: Tournament Arena
Before/After: After Rhys gets the letter from Ezra
Warnings: n/a?
In which Rayu stops Ashtaroth from making a mistake.
Bastan was under attack.
He found out as Rhys did, on the field when Virelai rushed in, both trying to forcibly drag Rhys in for healing. Even spitting up his own blood, or perhaps especially spitting up his own blood, the Ahura was almost impossible to physically force to do anything. Rayu would have resorted to pleading, but there was so much fire and anger in the Ahura's eyes that it stopped him. He stared, but finally Rhys relented once his rage turned to sorrow.
Rhys stayed only long enough to receive his healing, and was gone the moment Ashtaroth was done. Rayu kept silent through it, watching Ashtaroth with concern. She would already know of it all, her duties putting him so close to the Ahura and the buzz that surrounded him. The body found in the Ahura's tent, and that Aerveas seemed responsible for the murder. The smokescreen escape during the match, and the subsequent news of Bastan being taken. He had never been so glad to have asked someone a favor before. If he hadn't asked her to be here, she'd be there. Something told him Ashtaroth was not sharing that sentiment.
Once was was gone, leaving them without Rhys' miasma-like shroud of conviction that fit more like gloom than hope, Rayu stepped from the wall toward Ashtaroth. "We'll get you somewhere safe to stay," he said, trying to preempt any other idea she may have had.
Bastan was being taken. It was being taken and she wasn't there to ... to what? To help. To do something. Anything.
She went through the motions of healing, both because of her own shock and because of the utter sense of loss emanating from the Ahura. She'd tried to say something, anything, but nothing had come out, and he'd left. She stood to watch after him, and continued to stare in that direction. It was just as she'd taken a step towards the exit that Rayu spoke, and she jumped, turning on him, having actually forgotten he was there because he had been so quiet throughout the healing.
"If I do that, I won't be able to get back," she said, her voice blank, matter-of-fact. It was stupid of her to assume she would be able to get back in, of course, or that it would be any kind of good idea in any way at all, but her mind was conveniently forgetting that in favour of reminding her she should get back to Bastan, if she was done here.
She turned and went to walk out. To follow Rhys, or to find her way to a warp mage, or something- she could already feel the itch that standing still and doing nothing made her feel.
Rayu took her by the wrist to stop her. Bold as it was, he did not let go or pull back this time. His fingers tightened. "You can't go back," he said. His tone was not a command. It was a plea. "The city's already lost."
She jerked back, so determined had she been to walk away. She caught herself, putting her other hand to his, automatically trying to pry his had from her wrist.
Wide-eyed, she looked up at him. "No- no, I have to go back. It's- everyone I know-"
Did he understand? Did he feel the same at all? It had been his home once, too.
"Rayu, let me go," she said, her voice steady and firm, but her expression and her hand trembling.
His grip held, but his steady expression did not. Rayu grimaced, and kept his eyes locked on hers. "I won't." He understood. Bastan had been his home, and his betrayal had torn him up only because he loved it. There were still people there he cared about, Ravindra among them.
"If we-- if you go back now," he said, "You'll only get yourself killed."
She stared at his hand on her wrist. Rayu was always so careful to keep his distance. Why couldn't she get him to let go all of a sudden? Ashtaroth tugged her arm back again, with a similar lack of results, and her eyes moved back up to his.
"Rayu, let me go," she said, more force behind that last word, a small break brought about by desperation. She breathed in deeply, then out, but it didn't seem to help. She shook her head. "No, no- it's not- I can't stay here, I can't- Xumurdad's sake, I can't stay here."
When she pulled, he tugged back, pulling her closer to him. His own breath caught the more desperate she became, sure that if she got away from him now, she would bolt and he wouldn't be able to catch up. Rayu brought his other hand to her face, her cheek, holding her there to keep her eyes there. "Ash. Ashtaroth. Listen to me. You have to stay because they're all there. Because they need to know some are safe out here. Because we can still help them, but not-- not if you go running in there blind."
Her head jerked back, not because the touch was unpleasant or unwanted, but because it kept her where she was, kept her from walking out and finding that way back. She didn't want to listen, she needed to go. She shook her head again, unable to look away or pull back, but waiting, waiting for that grip to loosen, waiting to bolt. When it didn't, she could feel herself getting angry, her helplessness translating into that too-familiar anger.
"Let go of me! I won't be made a traitor too!"
The words were no sooner out of her mouth that she froze, and her demeanor changed again so that she clung to him. "No- no, I didn't mean- I didn't meant that, I'm sorry- Rayu, I'm sorry, please, that isn't- I didn't meant to-"
The words shot through him like an arrow. The hand at her cheek slipped, but the other was acting so automatically its firm grip remained. Rayu did not stare at her so much as through her, and even when she clung back to him, he could not find it in him to react.
"... Then let me be the traitor," he finally said, voice bereft of emotion. "Because I'm not letting you leave."
She stared at him, shocked and wide-eyed at her own words, cut off of her own volition, but not enough to take back what she'd said. Ah, but it'd been lurking in her mind since she'd been able to think for herself. No matter who had made him do it, no matter how kind he'd been, it was what he'd done.
She was supposed to have been different from all that, wasn't she? Rhys had asked as much of her.
Her eyes fell, searching for words. None came. Breathing erratic, she swallowed, trying to hold back the tears burning behind her eyes, but to no avail. She shut her eyes, sobbing, the tension in her arm dropping in favour of gathering in her shoulders and chest instead as she cried.
"I'm sorry. I- I'm- I won't- I'll- I'll stay, I- I'll stay, Rayu." Her words were punctuated with sobs and jerky breaths in, and she lifted her free hand to cover her face, as much ashamed as upset.
A hand moved to her should, resting there, but still with a grip that was uncertain if she meant it. The other had his handkerchief, offering it forward with the same distant look. "For now," he assured her. "But there will be a time to return. The remaining paladins will be regrouping. You should go with them."
Yes. Other paladins. She would stay with them- she would be needed with them. As a healer and as a figure. She'd already failed to be one for Rhys. And she'd just now failed to be one for Rayu. Sniffling like mad, wiping at her eyes with her sleeve, she didn't notice the handkerchief right away. When she did, she took it timidly, keeping her feet firmly on the ground in front of him. Head bowed, it was impossible to see her expression, her hair like a curtain.
Eyes wiped, nose blown, she held onto it, doubly ashamed now for having required it at all. Her shoulders slumped, still hitching every now and then with an unsteady breath.
"What about you?" she asked softly, not lifting her head up. Perhaps she didn't deserve to ask now, but she did anyway, twisting the handkerchief in her hands.
His grip on her shoulder loosened, but his hand stayed there like a heavy weight. Rayu watched her, even though he couldn't see past her hair, feeling a twist with every shudder that came with her crying. More than he deserved, certainly, for her to have been upset to say it at all.
"There are people at home I need to check on," he said. "And it's not safe for me with the paladins. I'll have to find another avenue. With the Ahura, most likely."
She looked up then. He'd stay with the Ahura? "Th-then I will, too," she said, grasping at straws. "I'll stay with the Ahura. And we can meet up again when you're done."
Rayu frowned, looking back at her and searching her face a silent moment for reservations. "Is that what you want?"
What she wanted? She looked a little dazed at the question before she nodded, slowly.
"Can I? Can I do that?... he'll need a healer still, won't he?..."
"He will," he said. "And he won't turn you away." But a feeling nagged at him, his eyes still looking into hers, almost narrowing, trying to find something he couldn't place. "Is that more comfortable?"
"Nothing's comfortable," she mumbled, her eyes falling away again. Certainly not being scrutinized like this. She sniffed again reflexively. "I just... I want to be close by. To something familiar."
He relaxed his gaze, guilty and averting his eyes. "... I'm sorry," he said. That he had been intense. That he was the familiar to her.
"I'll meet you back there."
She shut her eyes and nodded in response. She hated to think on it- hated to admit that she had given in to her own misgivings in a moment when she had deemed her own situation the worse of the two. And it wasn't, really. Even if it hadn't been Rayu's situation, Rhys'... that poor girl... it'd crossed her mind a brief moment to try, to see if she could bring her back, but she knew she couldn't. She didn't deserve that power.
"I'll stay with Rhys," she said, looking back up, miserable as ever, but at least, this time, with reason. "I don't know... I'll see what clerics are here... maybe I can help organize things...?"
And the Ahura would eventually make his way to Bastan, so...
"...but you won't be able to stay much, will you?"
Rayu nodded again. "Organizing any clerics would be helpful." The Vahishta never left Bastan, to his knowledge. There was little hope he wasn't trapped within the city. He gave Ashtaroth's shoulder a gentle squeeze. "If word gets out to them, and they're able to regroup with the paladins..." He just nodded. She already knew what he meant, but putting the matter into words was like pushing through mud.
He closed his eyes, thoughtful a moment before he looked back at her. "I am-- was. I was a paladin," he said. "I know Bastan, and I know its prisons. They need all the help they can get."
"I'm sure... I'm sure there are older ones than me, with more authority... but if there's anything to do..."
It was all she could hope for, really. Everything felt like it was falling apart so fast, everything from Artemis to Bastan to this, this terrible little conversation.
The squeeze to her shoulder made tears prick at her eyes again and she blinked fiercely, willing them back. Was. It didn't seem right, having watched the vicious paladin from earlier in the tournament, knowing he was allowed in their ranks, and have Rayu in front of her, cast out from them. Would that man even go to help Bastan at all? And yet Rayu would risk himself to, even now...
"Thank you," she said softly, feeling wretched as she looked down. "For stopping me."
They were already close enough that a half step more did not feel like reaching. Rayu moved forward, pressing against Ashtaroth's back in what was almost a hug. "You'll see it again," he said, voice lowered and soft. "But you need to take care of yourself to do it."
Almost for him, but a moment only passed before she reached up, arms under his and around his back, squeezing him tightly with her face pressed to his shoulder. She'd do it. He was right, and she knew that. Whatever experience she had could not make up for her age, but she would try, she would try harder, to overcome that.
Just a moment. It's all she could allow herself. Sniffing even as she pulled away, eyes on the floor even as she tilted her chin up stubbornly, she said with a cracked voice, "you too, of course. You and Rhys are so much alike, I expect the same promise out of you that I got from him. Take care of yourself. And maybe... you'll see Bastan again too, when this is over."
Relieved for the silent confirmation she would not run off, Rayu wrapped his arms around her, hands light against her back. He told himself he was giving her comfort, because even if she deserved better, he was what was there. But he needed it himself. Too many times, Rayu told himself he did not care about Bastan. First, a necessity, and then something he did not care about enough. He had no right, but every day, he missed it, and knowing it fell to literal pieces, knowing what remained had been invaded, pricked at his heart in a way he couldn't ignore.
Rayu kept his hands set on Ashtaroth's shoulders when she pulled back, forgetting them when he was taken aback by her statement. Like Rhys? The hair on his neck bristled with offense, but the reaction was softened by the atmosphere. Rhys was infuriating. ... Sometimes looking into a mirror was like that. Relenting, Rayu took a deep breath and let it out with a sigh, but managed a smile once it passed. "Yeah. Maybe." From a distance. It was the only way he could.
"You're doing it now!" she exclaimed, her laugh more like a hiccup. "You're doing that smile thing." She dug the heel of her hand into an eye to rub at it, almost viciously. "And I have a feeling I know what that means by now!"
She took a deep breath, which hitched, but she diligently made herself breathe out and breathe in again. Letting it out the second time she felt much calmer.
"You better get going," she said then, looking up at him. "This place will start swarming with paladins and clerics soon enough." It wouldn't be safe for him to stay much longer... for now. Fervently she found herself hoping that his helping would help him somehow.
Startled, Rayu nearly jumped back, bringing his hand to his mouth. The smile th-- Tch! His face reddened, hand there to cover whatever smile thing was happening while his eyes. He tried to glare at her, but her laughter, even mixed with her tears, won a genuine smile as his hand dropped. "Sh... shut up," he said, half-hearted, finding he hoped for the opposite.
It all softened with her breathing, his hand back at her shoulder to rub the side. Ash was right. His disguise never held as well as it needed to. Not to those who knew him, and some of the paladins might have fallen into that category. "I'll meet you in the Undertow as soon as I can, all right?" He adjusted his hat, gaze lingering on her a moment more before he slipped out of the room.
She nodded and saw him off, watching after him before she lifted her hand to her arm, rubbing the spot there herself. She shut her eyes, breathed in again, and let it out. Well. Nothing was getting done this way.
Forcibly pushing aside the thoughts of all that might be happening in Bastan, all the people she knew, all the people she might never see again- she made herself walk outside, head up, expression set, and went in search of the Ahura, careful not to let herself get distracted every time she saw a straw hat.